Funny, self-involved was the adjective that was shocked I couldn’t remember yesterday, since it is the one most applicable to my last couple of months.

First of all, Happy Belated to Bruce! Of all people, I hate that I was the one that was late on that congratulations. I even tried to post a picture of Amy Lee under a blue light screaming into the mike for my B-day shout out to only learn that PhotoIsland is closing down permanently. By Nov. 22nd everything they host will be lost and they encourage you to save all photos and host them somewhere else. (If anyone knows of an alternative let me know, hp hosting is bullshit.)
So, here’s to the 30, man.
I actually found a bit of writing inspiration thinking about your turning 30. I tapped into an unexploited area of female sexuality that resulted in a one time national holiday for every woman called “Bruce Day.”
As short as possibly explained, every woman would spend her 30th birthday celebrating that fact that she is hornier than her imagination of a 17 year old boy would be (because she’s not) instead of feeling depressed.
Funny, when I explained it to Joel, I said I’m still thinking of a name for it. He immediately said “Bruce Day!” I still agree, but since it’s within the context of strictly female sexual empowerment- I just don’t think the chicks would go for it.
I’ll keep you posted, though!
Bottoms up, Bruce! Hope you had a good one!

Nick-
Moving sucks, commuting sucks, but being in a show you really like and I guessing even cuter chicks in SLC, makes me happy. I feel your pain with the rental bullshit you’ve been dealing with. I’ve had nothing but problems in the place I’m living. Just since Joel has moved in, our air-conditioner has been a never-ending maintenance saga that resulted in it raining in our apt for about 2 months. It only just stopped because it got colder. The apt. office told me to call them if the heater gives us problems, but no need to fix it again until next spring. Sweet, huh?
Don’t think I’ll make it there for your shows. I hate that. I would love to see you onstage. However, Joel will be up there for Thanksgiving, then we will both be up there sometime in March for his brother’s wedding. Dates still pending. Maybe we’ll catch ya then, if not before!

Feeble excuse for being so self-absorbed lately-
Streetcar opened this weekend and is going very well.
Opening night, Joel brought home flowers and came to see the show. I was very happy about that.
It was a little rough for me because I was sick. I got a really high fever that afternoon, on top of having to shower (hot water), blow dry my hair (heat), put in hot rollers (more heat), got to the theatre and the air-conditioner was broken, for 3 hours have to wear underwear, a girdle, a slip, with various costume changes that include very thick pregnancy pillows, and perform a role that’s extremely physically and emotionally taxing.
It still went well, though excruciatingly hot. I kept a wet sock at both of my exits so I could try to keep the fever down and calm the fear of passing out during a scene.
I don’t normally sweat even when I exercise, so you can imagine how bad it was. My 9 month pillow was so soaked when I got to the dressing room that I had to wring it out.
Also, it’s no big secret that “Stanley” and I don’t care for each other, but that opening night - the scene that had been giving us both so much trouble, us with each other and me with props, worked for the very first time – we both felt it and knew damn well we nailed it right fucking on. As we came off stage, he whirled around and threw up his hands for a high five – in the entire 4 month process, it was the only time we had ever been happy with each other.
Though fleeting, it was a very nice moment.

But those that saw it loved it. The compliments that I got from Joel and Juicy were about the exact 4 places that I had been struggling with the whole time – I told them they had no idea just how much beyond thankful that really meant to me.
I also was pleased to hear that, during intermission, JayC, Joel and Tony, the newspaper reviewer, were outside discussing Stanley. Never actually meeting him, Joel has received very good reviews from Tony. Tony said he recognized him and JayC gave a formal introduction. Tony then told Joel that he would have made a great Stanley.
When Joel told me this later, he said that he almost told Tony that it would have been a little weird considering he was already engaged to Stella.
I said I wished he had. I have wanted to tell Tony (cause I am going to invite him and well, just think it’s too fucking cute), but never had an appropriate opportunity for it to come up in conversation.
I was so tickled with Tony’s comment. Very fantastic to hear a reviewer think you would’ve been a better actor for the role, and very very fantastic, for a role that placed him opposite me as my husband, without having any clue Joel and I are even involved.
Very sweet ______ …I actually don’t know what to call that because it well exceeds the parameters of what I consider a compliment.
Though Joel doesn’t agree with him, he was right.

My first Stanley scene still gives me trouble. It’s my own fault, but having major costume trouble hasn’t been helping it. Opening night, props were missing, the second, the safety pins pinning my slip down (it’s an usually low cut dress) both popped and were stabbing my tits every time I bent over – didn’t help that it’s the scene where I have to constantly bend over to pick up the crap that he’s flailing out of the trunk. The frantic, unsuccessful boob tucking and adjusting prior to that scene doesn’t help my focus much. I think solving that will ease most of the problems I’m having.

We had our first matinee today. It rained the entire day. Without the air-conditioner working properly, most of the audiences have been angered because they thought we had been keeping it so hot in there for authentic New Orleans atmosphere. If it wasn’t hot enough before, it was hot and humid enough today.
Though soaking wet and makeup melting (and my fever), today’s was the best we’ve done so far. I was strangely emotional today too. I have 4 definite places where I have to cry on cue. There are others that pop up, but 4 that absolutely have to happen and for real because the thrust stage puts me basically in the audience’s lap for most of them.
I have never had to cry onstage before and was surprised that I didn’t have too much trouble with it. This past week I started having trouble and had been inner scrambling on how to force it.
Not today.
Another first, I actually had to pull back so I wouldn’t get out of control and pull focus.
As I came out for the last scene, I was folding and packing Blanche’s clothes on the bed and as the poker scene began suddenly the lights went out.
We usually have problems with the light board. It sometimes cuts out for a moment, but not long enough to halt the action. Today it was dead. I realized right away it wasn’t just a technical problem. Walter came out and announced that a transformer had exploded and the entire block was without electricity and would be for quite a while. The worst part was that our emergency lights also failed. The audience was shockingly amused as they sat in pitch black. All those blue-hairs sweating their asses off were so taken by the show they giggled in the dark, wanted to see the end, and patiently waited for the final scene to happen.
I sat on the bed still uncannily emotionally in character as flashlights randomly shot across the stage. I heard Sue in the box office asking for candles and suddenly Bob jumped up from the poker table and asked everyone, “Candlelight, huh? HUH?!”
The place erupted with applause. With a candle placed on the poker table and one on the vanity, and flashlights held at the window seat, far exit, and a tech with one in the kitchen, the entire stage glowed crystal fucking clear.
It was the most incredible experience. I still don’t know how it worked. Especially with flashlights, and an actual tech onstage in the corner of the set, it was completely unnoticeable they were there, the beams just merely illuminated and didn't harshly spotlight our faces like anyone including me would've believed.
Because of the circumstances and the candlelit stage, the scene automatically became insanely intimate. Every person in the room could feel it. Every actor on that stage was consumed by the scene because of it. I’ve never been in a room emotionally charged like that. As Walter yelled “And Lights Out!,” I looked up and saw an elderly man sitting in the audience right in front of me with tears streaming down his face.
I have never been that affected by a show. It was a relief to see that I wasn’t the only one.
Though we have never greeted the audience as they exited this show, every single one of us without a word went straight out to the front to say goodbye.
I went to the inner lobby first to use the restroom and was immediately bombarded by the patrons. I tried to keep my composure, but was comforted that I wasn’t the only one with tears still in my eyes.
I was happy to thank them as much as they felt they needed to thank me.
Though it was the most disturbed I have been by the show, it was the first time I had ever seen a production draw in both actors and patrons so deeply that they became palpably familial.

Of all the times I have ever performed, that was the most powerful experience I have ever had onstage.
And I will never, ever forget it.

Goodnight, everyone.

There are just some problems that Sundays shouldn't be burdened with. Any problem on Sunday is still going to be there on Monday. Tell Ben Franklin to go fuck himself and deal with it tomorrow - and relax, take a nap, get laid, or, in the event of no nookie, please, for the sake of Sundays, go fuck your self!

Let's all fall alseep with a smile tonight.
That's a good night.