to stella

there needs to be a double d dance pahtee like there's no tomorrow, dena -


anyhoo, joel's gotta fantastmo j-o-b and we's a TCB'n as it comes and as we can handle it.
i had no conception of marriage prior, but the most simplistic description i can give so far is i didn't exepect identity to be so important -
not personal or collective, but identifying the experience itself -
objectivity is a difficult and strong as hell virtue,
and highly underpromoted outside of my marriage

i am still really struggling with the stand-up
just not buckling down like i should
got a place to practice -
but as i told megan - it means nothing if i doesn't lead to anything
it didn't hit me so hard as to when i recently skipped a practice night
i felt guilty cause had nothing yet was again sitting there not working on it
joel turned to me and said it's okay cause it's just to do it, cause your doing just to have fun and not like a career...

smacked me hard - cause i do -
i see no other point - i was hoping that i could learn a lot about marketing and promotion when i began being in charge of (some of) it at the theatre -
i realized i was going to have to build it either way -

stinks cause i haven't put my nose to the grindstone enough -
that proof needs to stand -
up and up fo' sho'
joel saw me once and i bombed like hell
no practice -
gotta prove a lotta shit -
like ya don't have the single life of a 24 yr. old just moved to town anymore, so deal with figuring out how you're gonna work around your conditions and go grab that fucking mike
stuff like that

trying to minimize the outside factors in my life that have become negative
i used to be happier
with myself
and that's just pathetic

until i have enough greenback
for a guy with a towel
around his neck
to tell me i can
do it
do it
do it

or just tell me i'm pathetic

for needing a guy with a towel

which is cool too

'night champs...

no typos for u
y o y

so joel's and deanne's gonna be alllllright

joel just got a kick ass job opportunity today that made both of our forefingers cross in retrospective elation

love the boy
love all of you

his mother brought up (at Estella's Denny's) that we had to make good on our bet

yes, of course, we both said "huh?"

she said that "yes, when deanne starts doing stand-up again, you start painting again"

i feigned a "FUCK YEAH!!! I REMEMBER NOW!"

pisses me off daily that he need not even pick up a brush
as i watch him paint perfect circles around me
simultaneous,counterclock-wised, ambidextriously
perfect circles from a stationary position


and here we are
that's where
mary tyler moore don't know dick about beret tossin' after all
cause that's where from
to cause that's where to



-in memory of Gavin McCloud
oh capt'n
my crazzzzy capt'n