I suppose I should write something since it's been a while.
I go to sleep happy. I wake up happy.
Something I've really got to get used to...
I've been late every morning.
Welcome to Las Vegas, baby.

I could be arrested for what I did tonight -

But you're gonna look good, Annie-
we'll know - they may not see - but we'll know

Just earlier - an unlikely person tried to help, telling her story of going through the closet for her sister's clothes.
Seeing her mother grab a pair of shoes, she contested, "No, those always hurt her feet."
Though finding out much later that they don't use shoes, the moment made her smile.
And she smiled while telling me. It was a good story.

I let them out and secured the scene.
A dress bag and shoebox.
I didn't smile.

May I extend a nice round of applause to:

Mr. Joel
on his Las Vegas resident debut!
Truly a man that can make believers out of doubting Thomas's!

Mr. Frank
on his acting debut in front of his mother!
I'm sure she enjoyed it as much as we wish we could have all been there!

Mr. JayC
on his rockin' LVRJ review!
I don't think there as ever been an article written where the name "Stoddard" appeared more than 800 times in 300 words!

Ms. Katrina
on her LVRJ review!
Hard work and cold couch paid off with due praise plus made us all forget about the moron at the Sun!

Mr. TJ
on his fantastic apartment hunting skills!
I am truly indebted to you, but I have found many donors to the new abode fund!

Ms. Sherry
on her new voyage of discoveries!
Personal Jesus is a great song - one to travel to - good for you - moving on never made me want to touch myself so badly!

Ms. Erica
on her new play opening (next week?)!
Outside looking back in, good vantage point - great advantage point.

Mr. Bruce
on being the one person that I know the least, yet receive so much from!
Keep writing - even if you have to use your reaching broom. Half my blogs spawn from you.

Mr. Kyle
on...
where the fuck is Kyle?

Ms. Alexia
on reminding me of what I keep forgetting!
It's even bigger now than it wasn't then. The only growth there now is gravity - a true falsehood so often overlooked.


Cheers to all, and to all a good week.

From someone more witty:

Climbing Mount Everest is easier than everyone makes it out to be. But I think the handrail helps. Of course the flag I planted next to the newspaper stand was gone a day later. Still, it was nice to be able to take a bus home from the peak. And speaking of peaks, I've nailed my old socks to the peak of my house. You know... just in case.
-ugly fat kid

People never stop surprising me. Tonight, I wish they had.
Doesn't change anything - it can't.
But, at least, now
I know.

Of all the campaigning I've done for selfishness,
I didn't realize until now that there were so many holes in that theory.

Right on, Sherry.
Fuck it all.

A great deal of beer and raw fish.
I haven't had a problem yet that they haven't cured.

FUCK OFF, you FUCK!

Okay, this week just needs to be over.
There's way too much pent up aggression hanging out dangerously close to the surface.
Innocent people are going to start getting hurt.
I need a beer or a really, really good joke.

Mitch Hedberg is performing at the House of Blues tonight and tomorrow.
Okay that's not helping.

I don't have to be at work for the next two days, there's a convenience store on the way home, and a joint on my bedside table.
That's a little better.


Break a leg, BUTLER! Great Neon photo.

Funk

It’s real cool when you’re dancin’ or feel like dancin’, but that evolves quickly into funky. You can’t be drug into the malaise if you’re feelin’ funky.

It’s crept in very slowly over the past few days and now has manifested itself quite overwhelmingly. Long lists and projects abandoned. Lots to do, but no drive and even worse – no desire. All surroundings have succumbed to the lackluster. I’ve been given so many equations that end in happiness – yet this strange unidentifiable mire prevents me from feeling it. Not dead, just closed off. New and old, however irritating or promising – my back turns, mind’s eye rolls. The lulling in and out of unattractive personas – the monster, the bitch, the boring, the ever scary NOT FUN ANYMORE – making me even more discouraged with myself. Everything is there to please, yet I only yield defiance.

I went through all my boxes last weekend. One of a series of spring cleanings I’ve gotten into the habit of doing every couple of months to organize, but more so to trash the clutter. Another recent trip into the past within just a few weeks. Over Christmas, I was surprised that I smiled, but those memories were accompanied with evidence of their unpleasant endings. Very lucky that was. Makes things a lot easier to miss when you are reminded very vividly of how badly they needed to die. This time I knew would be hard. These weren’t sour – just over. I actually forced myself to get through it quickly – no reading – every item picked up and abruptly piled as if on fire. Fear if I held them too long – I would feel them leaving all over again. I wasn’t aware that I could close off emotion so well- probably because I already knew what I would be up against.
So many pictures and tokens of past joy, shame that they invoke pain. Not of regret – I don’t do regret – but of loss. At least I had all those times once, yes, but…. Old and frayed letters – places, people – sorted and put back away – segmented life so sweet – long passed – to lie in wait – thorns and broken glass – snuggling together in their shoebox - dormant once again. I didn’t get upset or nostalgic. Maybe I should have.

Cause I really don’t feel funky.

I guess I’m afraid. Youth always seems impervious to fear – retrospectively. Failure and consequence never weighed as heavily on nubile strife. That’s what I see evading as I catapult into elder. The attempts fewer, confidence cowering as awareness of wasted mortality thickly seeps in. Projection of outcome does become more prevalent with age because it has to. At 16, 18, 23, even 25, I didn’t need a roof over my head – so what if it doesn’t work – I wasn’t good – I didn’t succeed – I have all the time in the world to do it again – to do something else - to start over. Now I don’t.

Of course, that could all be bullshit. Even now, so many things crumble without intended venture – no effort put forth only to be faced again and again with loss, elimination - only having to start all over again.
And I did.

I’m still not feelin’ funky, but at least now I don't want to.


It'll pass - everything does.
There's always room in the box.
I'll even be happy when I pull it out again.

Fuck Picasso - this man is a genius!

http://www.explodingdog.com/

A true holiday that even JayC cannot invalidate:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!

All raise your sodas, socks, and sordid thoughts to SLC for our Vegas bound!



I'll have one for you!

Hell, I'm havin' one right now!

Cheers to you, Joel!

Freaking out is as natural as taking a shit - just as necessary and similar a function I think.

Yeah, reality poses some interesting questions of what you want, wanted and what you've got. The only thing that changes is desire. You've really got to beat yourself into a lot of submission to give up the "wanna" - and especially then you're never happy with it - stuck with internally explaining over and over excuses in hopes of turning them into reason for permanent burial. I've never been able to do it successfully.
Even if it only exists in the "wanna" - let it. That's nice. It's not dead.
Reality and desire coexist somewhere in there, silly. Let them. There's room for all of it.
Movies, acting, writing, composing, playing, learning, joking, it's all gonna hang out until you sign the resignation.
So let's...
Whether we do or not - let's!

Step back, honey -
give your own fro a big ole slap

and keep on truckin!

(That's what that means, baby)

See that naked guy?
He's with me!

A great New Years was had by all.

A coworker of mine told me that where you are for New Years is where you will be for the year. I'm not too sure I fully believe that, BUT

I woke up New Year's Day - onstage, beside Joel.
I honestly can't think of anything better than that.

Welcome to 2004, everyone!