A FEW TIPS ON MASTURBATION FROM OUR FRIENDS AT BRINGHAM YOUNG:

1. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep.
2. During your toilet and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
3. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is.
4. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
5. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
6. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes--just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
7. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You change the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

*******
So, I'll be overweight with no friends. That should definitely make it easier for someone else to have sex with me.

Get this: there is actually a "jive" version of this pamphlet for the youngsters, 'cuse me, yungstas.
*********
1. Make some pocket calendar fo' some mond on some small card. Carry it wid ya', but show it t'no one. If ya' gots some lapse uh self-cuntrol colo' dat day brother. Yo' goal gots'ta be t'have no brother days. De calendar becomes some strong visual reminda' of self-cuntrol and should be looked at when ya' is tempted t'add anoda' black day. Slap mah fro! Keep yo' calendar down until ya' gots at least dree clear monds.
2. Durin' yo' toilet and showa' activities leave da damn badroom doo' o' showa' curtain partly open, t'discourage bein' along in total privacy. Slap mah fro! Snatch waaay coo' brief showers.
3. Arise immediately in de mo'nin's. Do not honky jibe in bed awake, no matta' whut time uh day it is. Get down and do sump'n. Start each day wid an endusiastic activity. Slap mah fro!
4. Keep yo' bladda' empty. Slap mah fro! Refrain fum drinkin' large amounts uh fluids befo'e retirin'.
5. Reduce da damn amount uh spices and condiments in yo' food. Eat lightly as possible at night. Man!
6. Wear pajamas dat is difficult t'open, yet loose and not bindin'.
7. Avoid sucka's, situashuns, pictures o' eyeballin' materials dat might create sexual 'sitement. Man!
8. It be sometimes helpful t'have some physical object t'use in overcomin' dis problem. WORD! A Scribblin' uh Mo'mon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night gots proven helpful in 'estreme cases.
9. In real severe cases it may be necessary t'tie some hand t'de bed frame wid some tie in o'da' dat da damn habit uh masturbatin' in some semi-sleep condishun kin be bugger'd. Dis kin also be accomplished by wearin' several layers uh clodin' which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep. Jes hang loose, brud.
*********

Honky jibing is bad for you, suckas.
Slap mah fro?


Word.