hell yeah!
thanks for the comments, mamas!
i finally got to catch up on the bloggies and was getting a little upset at the HUGE lack of the mention of my or joel's name, then i remembered that i should probably have something to fucking respond to
cool!

and i'll write that something some other time- honestly i'll write something of worth at a later date that's more coherent, it's just been a long fucked up day and a long fucked up couple of weeks and i need to take a serious mental dump - lacking sense - i don't write strream of conscienness well - to make two points...

so stop reading and the dump shall commence

let's see,
good things...
-joel will be hired on fully by the company he's been temping for, and getting the almightly insurance perk and a 3 dolla raise! whoo!

-i am one month clean! truly, i was the last person i would have thought to pick up a drug addiction, but i'm also the only person that i know that could kick it this "quickly" (sorry for the "", but with meth there's oddly no such thing as quitting a chemical habit fast. Fact.) but it's working out nicely. i didn't gain a shitload of weight, i can tell an immediate difference in joel's and my marriage, and (combined with the listed one below) really clarified my relationship with the las vegas little theatre

- uh, sure there's more good, but this isn't that kind of blog

let's see,
crapola extravaganza...
-in addition to scraping by to buy a house when we have to move in Dec, we now have to get joel another car - driving with the heat full blast to get his saturn home without overheating in gridlock vegas rush hour isn't going to be an option come 2 more weeks from now...according to crowded vegas desert time


- threw out my back reallllly fucking bad this last time - still now after 5 weeks it's still in the late stages of healing - i hadn't ever hurt it this bad - i couldn't move without joel: peeing, showering, needing that lighter waaaay over there, the whole works - my poor man

- the theatre - shameless self-defense BUT worse thing about the back - other than missing time at work, was screwing over my friend Megan as a result (and sheerly by accident as opposed to popular opinion, i've learned recently) as i was her back-up person for sound for JayC's naked baseballed showcase o' cockarama (though i wanted the new tech volunteer instead originally because i didn't have the time to begin with, sorry i can be a little self-serving, it's a defense blog)- so because of my crappy phone and lack of ability to cough without screaming in pain - i didn't know that my predecessor Heather's mom had died and i was needed to fill in though there's no way i could have actually done it if i had known right away, i lost a great deal of friends - and most hurtfully, a couple of them i really do regret losing
ah well, according to the myspace version, i "totally flaked on her just like everyone told her i would" (paraphrased) - so hate i missed the boat on explaining myself, but looks like there was a solid consensus in place already that i was a piece of shit so the meeting at the docks continued without my dictation as planned
nice to know i could live down to the theater's expectations of my worthlessness
'preceesh lvlt! - my time truly was not good enough for such a powerhouse of professionality, quality, talent and just damn fine business sense...seriously, you can check the files yourself: just go to sue's, frank's, walt's, paul's work, the trunk of any of their cars, and you find it...somewhere...eventually...and good fucking luck with that

- another worse thing about my back - they gave me 3 meds i'd never heard of and one called Orphenadrine for spasms made me SICK as HELL on WHEELS that shake and vomit - never had a medicine make me that ill before - my hands shook, i felt sick ALL the time, it jacked me up (which wasn't good timing) and you could tell by the way i was smoking, normally don't smoke 'em much when i'm sober- and the most strange thing ... i could taste liquids the same. coke tasted like flat, thin water and beer like liquid grass acid - it was weird - i took it for a week and had to stop cause it just got to the point where i couldn't hold anything without looking like a crack addict because i was so jittery - 2 damn weeks it took for me to begin to feel normal again (with the exception of my back in severe stabbing pain with no painkillers, fun fun, fun) BUT, strangely I'm also thankful cause it kept me off the drugs while jacking me up through the period of standard massive weight gain that follows during the detox process

- stepping away from the theater had been on the agenda for quite sometime as had stepping back from the straw and mirror - funny that being forced to stay away by default because of my back really killed to birds with a big heavy painful stone -
can't say i was shocked that my interest in being ridiculed for not volunteering enough or properly at the theatre was put very quickly into perpective without the drugs to motivate the masochism
i don't have the desire to act, am pursuing stand-up, just entered marriage and live in closer than healthily feasible quarters, have to find 3 or more side jobs freelance writing, have to commute 2 hours a day to a job that i can't stand due to the rampant incompetance of the company, worry about my grandmother that just went into a nursing home, have to buy a car and somehow afford to buy one within the next 2 months, have to buy a house somehow also afford with a miracle by dec., support the household, rehab my back, PLUS on top of being the ticking 32 yr old woman that i am - planning on when to start a family and somehow afford that.
i think the theatre can find someone else to get bitched at for trying to help a non-profit that gets kicks out of shooting itself in the foot to then scold me for not fundraising the $7,000.00 they'll need to pay the rent this week and not being a better secretary to the titanic of an administrative blackhole it has become over the last 15 or so years before i tried to clean it up
yeah, hell, they are right, i'm not good enough to handle that job - i hope the next person in the long, long line of panting candidates dying to be the theater's little worthless bitch will have much more fun being a secretary to a failing business for free
most secretary's agree that the money is really not that important when you get to be honored with indentured servitude and patronization as you wait to be handed everything too menial for anyone to care about...like having an actual lease to sign for second city who has been renting the place for over a year now without one cause everyone's too busy blowing the money on a nice $2,000.00 closet.
yeah, it's someone else's job now - they couldn't possibly do it any worse than the person actually did before me, or more shitty than i was told, had told, and was normally emailed minutely at WORK to be reminded so

damn, that felt good-
i should have been in bed forever ago now
don't care so much though
i'm late filing my ass in da covers -
it's the best i could end administrative professionals day
jeez, worthless never yawned so mighty tomorrow

good night lovers