Today
I learned what the word jeopardy truly means.
The second time that I could have lost everything,
he let me win...
again.

There are a million things I need to write, but I do want to respond to Annette.

You mentioned a run-in with your ex, sounds like a real fuckhead, since you still have resentment. Don't like people messin' with my girls and anyone that knows me will testify that one.
Joel said something tonight that resonnated very strongly.
In all my past relationships, this is the first that I have no problem with their past lovers. Always something that triggered extreme negativity had no bearing when I met Joel. I just chalked it up to finally being confident enough within a relationship that I wasn't threatened.
I guessed wrong.
As we decorated our X-Mas tree, Joel said that we got so lucky with our past relationships because without them:
we wouldn't have this.
And he couldn't be more right.
I wouldn't trade a single second, no matter how bad I had it or how good he did,
for what this is. And I am indebtedly thankful to all those that came before us. They gave me the rest of my life. One so incredible that I can only hope they get second chance to find. I honestly do.
So, though valiant of MLC, it wouldn't be out of bounds to unclench the fist for a moment and instead shake the hands of that list of fools that let him have a woman like you.


I have my life back again.
Thank you, girls.
Thank you, Joel.

thank you, Deanne

goodnight deanne
good, good morning deanne