Why the fuck is everyone else at home today, but me?

Me? Drunk on St. Patrick’s Day?
I can’t imagine what gave it away.

Persuasive pyromania
Failed Blacks & tans
Campaigning to exploit young women
Actually EATING steamed cabbage
Bagging up garbage not affiliated with the party
Accusing the absent of doing drugs without me
Changing the movie venue then leaving
Making understood that I do not understand
Ignoring “Magoos + school night = chick that knows better”
Bullseye, 1, 1, 1, 3, 1, 1, 1, bullseye
Paying $3 for $20 to play $2 of music
Tripping the sticky carpet fantastic with the old chick
Yelling at her boyfriend for treating my man like a pimp
Stalking the men’s room to attack my man
Watching my glasses fall in the toilet while gripping the handicapped bar
Telling him I did not care they were in the toilet as I gripped the handicapped bar
More campaigning to exploit young women
Suggesting MORE beer
Hating every movie anyone has ever liked for no reason
Giving TJ shit for trying to salvage some responsibility
Tucking in a stranger
Bitching at the stranger for thanking me for tucking him in
Making my man set the alarm for 2 ½ hours later
Listening to him laugh and not wanting to miss it
Waking up at the exact time I should have been at work
Finding the guest gone
Feeble excuse to work
Shower, Clear Eyes, Clear Eyes
Seeing my surprise reflected in TJ’s eyes that we were both up
Kissing goodbye sweet, warm slumber
Having to make good on the feeble excuse
Staring at flight maps and slow digital time
Wondering why the fuck is everyone else at home today, but me?

It was a very Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
Indeed.