"You need to have security, power, and wealth. 'Cause I can do bad by my goddamn self." - Lil' Kim


"You change too often." - Hallward
"Ah, my dear Basil, that is exactly why I can feel it. Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies." - Lord Henry
(there is no underline for blog, so) "
The Picture of Dorian Gray" - Oscar Wilde

Knowing this doesn't change circumstance. Only I can (I'm not a fool), but when I come home to myself, embrace my pillow at night, and turn to nothing and say "wasn't that cool?" makes all invalid.
When can the future override the temporal?
It doesn't often enough.

I could stay where I am and be jammin', but it's not good enough for me. I am never good enough for myself.
Why is ambition or at least, the recognition of "betterment" so fucking taboo?
My Outward Bound leader (not a gay camp, mind you) said that you should never be comfortable with stability. In the woods, I accepted that. I still do.

I don't really know what my point was other than I'm frustrated.
I've been hurt, I've compromised, I've dealt, and I still ache, still strive, still want...

Something.

I think I'll get it.

What choice do I have?